Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
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