I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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