I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
my poor anus
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
