Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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