There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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