it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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