then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
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