I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
