I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
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He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
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You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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