is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
