He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just invented taco cereal.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize