I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
