anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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