his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
