I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
