It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
