People with herpes should wear stickers.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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