I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Randomize
