If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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