he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
