Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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