How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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