This dress was meant to end up on your floor
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
