So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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