You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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