Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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