she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
