If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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