party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
