so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
