I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
