I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
