after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
