I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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