I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
You know, be my cock's hype man.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
