On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I deserve this hangover.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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