Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
