YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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