The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
