so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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