Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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