We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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