Banned from zoo.
Again?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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