Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
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