My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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