it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
