Who wears a wallet chain?!
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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