I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
