The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
