so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
please come you make the beer taste better
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
