Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
