i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
