Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize