Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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