If that was your dad, he is hot
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
