they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
