There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
