woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
