If i come over, it means nothing
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
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