She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
