a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
she told me i tasted like america
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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