in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
