im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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