I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
