Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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