sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Just high enough for therapy.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
