how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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