its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
