We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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