loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
