i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
