don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
