I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
