Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
be right there i have to get my cape
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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