Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
We have started to decorate penises.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
