I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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