I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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