He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
