U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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