Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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