I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
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