Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
