i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
