so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
home. puking in laundry basket.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
