Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
