I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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