he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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