Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Randomize
