it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
wanna go halves on a baby?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I pour the whiskey from now on
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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