Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
You made out with two different species that night
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
